Reunion and Commencement weekend at Wesleyan contained more pleasant moments than I had expected. I've heard that during a large, meticulously planned wedding, the bride experiences the event as though through a fog, going through the motions but not feeling like a fully engaged participant. I was expecting the days surrounding my graduation to feel similar--somewhat unreal, mildly overwhelming, perhaps even frenzied and stressful.
That hazy, unreal feeling did set in the instant I plopped back into my designated white folding chair on Andrus field after receiving my diploma frame and shaking President Roth's hand. For the rest of Sunday and all of Monday, I found myself in a strange, unsettled, slightly dumbfounded and detached place, as every little action took on a vastly profound meaning. Each hug shared with a classmate was part of a process of saying goodbye. Each desktop trinket I placed into a box would be hidden from human eyes until the unknown time when I would unpack boxes in a new apartment. Each bite of post-ceremony cheese and cracker would metabolize to provide my body with energy for a post-Wesleyan life.
Am I being melodramatic? Mmm-hmm.
Before that pivotal point when I was officially done "graduating," some invisible well of adrenaline was mostly succeeding in staving off feelings of confusion and sadness. The university did a good job of organizing events for graduating seniors and their families, and I found myself genuinely enjoying the opportunity to meet or reconnect with my friends' families at cocktail mixers and all-campus luncheons.
I was particularly glad to see my friend Miles' parents, Dorian and Elyse, whom I initially met when Miles and I lived on the same hall in our first year at Wes. Because I hadn't seen them for over three years and because I come from a particularly forgetful family (common questions include: Where are my keys? What did we have for dinner three nights ago? What's our great aunt's name?), I was pleasantly surprised that they remembered me and my relationship to Miles. Dorian and Elyse were immediately warm, recalling good times in freshman year with Miles and gently inquiring about my plans for the future. I was again pleasantly surprised that they had heard of (and remembered) AmericaSpeaks, the nonprofit organization where I will be working for the next six weeks.
I shouldn't have been surprised that they knew about AS--both Dorian and Elyse have made philanthropy a central focus in their careers, most notably starting two magazines and a social networking group to help people dedicated to social change learn about and connect with groups advancing good causes. They were familiar with the AmericaSpeaks mission, and they offered some valuable advice about keeping tabs on my first foray into the world and into a job in public policy: keep a blog.
So here I am! This blog will be about my life post-graduation and the experimental experiences that will happen over the coming months. I hope that I'll be able to inform loved ones and friends about what I'm up to, and I also hope to communicate the challenges, frustrations, successes, and failures that come along with this big transition.
For a name, I settled on "Figuring About," which is kind of like the phrase "figuring it out," but without the article "it" because I don't really know what exactly "it" is that I'm trying to "figure out." "Figuring it out" implies a central problem or question that needs to be explored and solved--the "it" in this verbal equation. As I see it, I don't have a central problem or question because I haven't explored enough yet. Instead, I need to explore the multiple questions and problems that will help me define who I am and where I'm going. I'm certainly figuring...but not about a specific "it." I'm figuring about a bunch of things--I'm generally "figuring about."
Onward!
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